you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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