Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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