What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Do you remember whose house we're in?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
