and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just want to make out with him forever
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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