I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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