I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
