My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
