I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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