we're blogging at a bar
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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