So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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