what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
