you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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