She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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