well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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