I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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