I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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