my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize