Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
