Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize