So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Watching her eat just hurts me
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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