Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
