That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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