I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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