she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
