Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
