i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
