can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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