Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
