We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
