What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
