I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
