Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
