ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
