its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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