Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize