mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
