Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
