I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
