We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize