Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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