Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
