I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
