If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
