Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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