Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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