He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
