I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
