I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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