Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
