I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
