If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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