this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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