I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
