Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
