ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
