dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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