dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
