pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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