all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
