Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize