32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
