First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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