I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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