you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
