I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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