just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
